Supporting a partner with a service-related condition
How to look after someone with PTSD, chronic pain or injury — without losing yourself in the process.
4 min readLast reviewed May 2026
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It's a relationship, not a rescue mission
When your partner is struggling, it's easy to slip into 100% carer mode and 0% partner mode. Both of you need the relationship to still be there when things stabilise. Hold on to it.
Practical things that help
- Routine. Familiar patterns lower the baseline of vigilance.
- Communication ground rules — what's okay to ask, what isn't, and when.
- A signal you can both use when things get too much, instead of a row.
- Looking after sleep, food, exercise. Both of you.
Things that don't help
- Walking on eggshells. Resentment builds and they can usually feel it anyway.
- Filling silence with reassurance. Sometimes silence is enough.
- Doing everything yourself. Even small handovers preserve their sense of agency.
Look after yourself too
You count. SSAFA's services support partners and families. Combat Stress runs family days. Op COURAGE will work with you if your partner consents.
Where to go next
If your relationship is feeling the strain, talking to someone outside it can be a release. Talk to us →
Still need help?
Speak to a trained advisor. Free, confidential, and judgement-free — for anyone who has served, is serving, or is family of someone who has.